Notebook and Pen



What the Heck is "Self Love"?

Updated: Sep 29, 2019

If you turn to any self-help book, podcast, Youtube video, or any church sermon regarding the topic of "love" and "relationships", you will most likely hear the phrase "self love". If you don't hear this phrase from those who speak on the topic of love and relationships, I would be weary to suggest if that source were of any quality.

But nonetheless, let's dive into this pressing question: What the heck is "self love"?

After months of being "alone" and really seeking for the right definition of what self love is, here is how I define "self love":

Accepting who you were created to be, while simultaneously not allowing any one thing, or person(s) to disturb your peace.

Note how no where in my definition I state that this means being 100% alone. Society has painted this picture of self love as complete solitude for extended periods of time, to the point where it can become unhealthy and have negative affects.

However, frequently "self love" has been used interchangeably with "dating yourself". When I hear someone tell another person, who might be going through a rough patch in their current relationship, to "date themselves", I cringe.


Because that is not how, or even why, the human race was created!

Humans were created to be together. To socialize. To be within communities that allow for self exploration and spiritual growth. Humans were not meant to be in solitude, and certainly not to date ourselves. If you are spiritual, as I am, in the first book of the Bible (Genesis 2: 4-25) God created Eve specifically for Adam because even our great Creator knew it was not a good thing for humans to be alone.

You now might be wondering the how to self-love. What does it look like? What does it sound like?

Here is an example that I have personally lived that single handily made me get that Ah ha! moment as to what self-love was.....

In a perfect world, every relationship we gather throughout life (family, friends, coworkers, romantically, etc.) would be a walk in the park. You never argue. You never have bad times. You are never disappointed. However, anyone who has breath in their lungs knows this to not be the case all the time, if ever. Disappointments will happen. Betrayal will happen.