I must admit I have not commented on this topic on purpose. I didn't want to ruffle too many feathers since I know the need for dating advice.
I have now come to the realization that it's time I speak up on this topic.
Ladies: we have to stop taking dating advice from men!
I've noticed, over the last 3 years, an influx of men who coin themselves as "Love Experts" or "Self Love Ambassador's" with a little mix of this infamous description in their profiles: "Man of God".
I've lost count how many eye rolls I've done when I see these things on social media.
Let me get one thing clear before I provide my calculated reasons as to why I feel women need to stop supporting men who claim themselves as such. I am not writing this article out of hate, bitterness, jealousy, etc., as many men would like to call it. I am writing this article for the women, to help wake us up, to take the covering off of our eyes, and to truly see why this trend isn't benefiting us one bit.
For the sake of not wanting to put certain "gurus" on blast, I will not be mentioning any names in here. But do note, I have gathered my findings on very popular gurus among the internet to come to these conclusions.
I have a serious problem with the fact that so many women are spending their hard earned money to attend the conferences these men hold, just to hear the same old generic advice:
"Take care of yourself"
"You deserve a KING"
"You are a queen"
"Get your Boaz" (my church folks know this one)
"Smile and be approachable"
"Start a business"
Do this.....do that.....
Blah blah blah!
I hear the same stuff everywhere I go! It's getting real old if you ask me.
Then, when women attend these conferences, not only are women forking out money for the tickets, traveling expenses, etc., these men lure women in even more after the conference to buy their merchandise and books. Mind you, I have read 2 very popular books by these gurus and my conclusion: My nephew, who is high school, could've told me the same information. That's how "deep" they were (sense the sarcasm).
The money spent on attending these conferences just to hear the same old advice, could be better utilized in hiring a therapist, getting a coach, or maybe starting that business you dreamed about. Anything is better than wasting money on men who aren't really giving us the right information anyways.
These male gurus have a strategy of marketing towards broken women, and I mean broken. I understand and empathize with any woman with a broken heart. I've been there one too many times. My concern with this tactic they are using is that when a woman is at her lowest, you'll fall for just about anything that sounds hopeful. I don't like to use this word but, the type of women I see attending these conferences, reposting their quotes, reading their books and wearing their merchandise are.....desperate.
Desperation on females, or males, is not a good look. Ladies, when a man is desperate and tries to approach you, is it flattering or do you just feel pity? I feel pity, embarrassed for them, and immediately uninterested.
These men know that a desperate woman who is seeking hope in love will pretty much buy, listen, and follow anything they say.
They are abusing a position of power for the sake of money and status.
I advise ANY woman who is fresh out of a relationship to not seek men for dating advice. Get a life coach. A therapist. Seek God. Anything will produce better results than giving your time, money, and hope to a group of men who really aren't giving you the tools you need, let alone care about your well-being.
These men claim over and over that they know the secrets to dating and being a good man.
I've noticed after doing some research, these men don't have any wives, long-time girlfriends, nada. And if they do, they are certainly not claiming them. When I realized my findings, my next thought was this:
(Yes, I am that extra in my thought process sometimes)
How can so many of these men claim over, and over, that they have it together, so much so that they think they can teach women the secret behind getting a man like them, and you do not have any proof that you actually have a successful relationship? This realization not only opened my mind up even more, but caused me to become even more passionate to help women.
I want to get something straight here: I give advice on relationships because I openly discuss what I did wrong and the importance of self healing. I don't teach on marriage because I'm not married. I don't give advice to men on how to be a man (even though I would have plenty to say given my past) because I am not a man, and I never once sell hope to women to the point of taking all of their hard earned money just to claim some status.
My desire to help women comes from being a woman who was heart broken, beaten down over and over, and how I over came all of that.
As you can see my motives are different.
The fact that these men are preaching to women so hard on what we need to do, is just down right selfish and ethically irresponsible.
Men who claim they have it together: if you want to help women, start mentoring men and showing them how it's done.
Women were designed to love. We love unconditionally, fight for what's ours, and forgive quick. Men are not born in that way. There is only so much a man can empathize and understand in terms of love in the eyes of a woman, and vise versa.
Ladies: it's time we start listening to each other, healing each other, and empowering each other. The time is up on listening to these men give the same old advice, selling us their merchandise, and promoting them and not ourselves. This isn't about man bashing one bit. This is about taking ownership of our healing, and letting men lead men. We have enough resources as women to figure out how to get noticed and what not. Trust me, the amount of resources is overwhelming.
As for men, there needs to be more men, who actually have successful relationships/marriages, to speak on the subject, to hold conferences, to write more books, and to do it without trying to seek financial gain as top priority.
My mission for this article is to open up the eyes of women who read this. It's time to shift our focus on our healing elsewhere, and not on men who claim they know the secret with no evidence to back it up.