Notebook and Pen



Healing After A Heart Break

Updated: Sep 24, 2019

Heart break seems to be an unavoidable aspect in life. Even when you give your all to someone, it can still happen. For me personally, sadness hits me first. You just start thinking about how things were and what they could've been. You then start thinking about what you could've done or should've done to make it work. You'll cry at the drop of a dime too. I can't tell you how many times I would be at work, holding back tears, or having to walk away from my desk to avoid people seeing me in such a state.

Then I get angry and bitter. This is where a person, in my experiences, can either take that energy and heal, or just sulk in it all your life. When you do that, you bring that negativity and the pain from your past experiences to each and every relationship(s) thereafter.

Everyone, no matter if you ask your family, friends, coworkers, hair dresser, local bag boy, etc. all tell you the same thing, "You have to heal".

But how?

What does that even mean?

How does one really heal when you feel like your entire life that you knew and created with another human being, gets crumbled up and thrown in the trash?

Well, first things first, I am not perfect and I do not know everything. However, I feel like some of the tips I have done can benefit those who are currently dealing, or still have not healed from past heart breaks.

1). Stop all communication from that person. I know this hard but it must be done so you can receive clarity and have time with your thoughts to reflect. If you have certain financial ties with that person, do your best to keep any and all contact related to those responsibilities.

2). Stop following that person on all social media platforms. The more you keep looking at that person's day to day activities to more it hurts and the more it will urge you to talk to them. Trust me, I've tried to keep them on my social media thinking like oh it won't bother me. Yeah....big fail in terms of healing.

3). Delete pictures or put them on a hard drive that you won't access that often. Since our iPhones have doubled as camera's, access to pictures every single picture is way too easy. Delete them completely or put them somewhere in some type of digital storage that would take great effort to access. More effort will eliminate the chances of you reminiscing over these pictures.

4). Do NOT jump into another relationship. I see women do this more than men to be honest. Jumping into another relationship will not make you feel any better. There are things that must be done alone in order to heal. And 9 times out of 10, you will jump into a relationship with a person who has the same, if not worse, qualities than the person you just left. Depending on the length of your last relationship and/or the amount of damage that was caused, I would suggest taking at least 6 months off before you even think about really dating. You want to come back into dating clean and rid of hurt. The quicker you do this, the better the person you will attract. Mind you, there will be some "time wasters" that come along, but you will, or should, be better equipped with picking up on the characteristics of someone much quicker to avoid another heartbreak.

5). Date yourself. Now this concept has been hard for me to grasp, and I still struggle with this because technically you can't "date yourself". Basically in my point of view, it is doing activities you like. and/or exploring things you might not know you liked. Read books, get your health right, take trips, go to the beach, reconnect with old friends (Be cautious of this one. I will explain later), go to the movies alone, etc. Really, I see this "dating yourself" as complete alone time. The things you find out about yourself when you're alone are very powerful. But, the key is you have to willing to be "alone".

6). Reconnect with old friends. This tip isn't bad and please, I am not saying do not do this. However, be aware of which friends you are reconnecting with. If they have not done much with their lives and have resentment with how their life has turned out, do not reconnect with those particular friends. Instead, reconnect with friends that you know will not put their issues on you. Everyone has at least one friend who is a great listener and has non-biased decisions. Stick to that one. I promise you, it will feel like you never left each other. Use them as support but do not solely rely on them for everything. Part of healing is learning to depend on yourself first. Everything and everyone after that is a plus.

7). Lastly, get close to GOD. Yes, I am a very spiritual person and I truly believe when there is no one else to talk to in the natural world, you will always have GOD. I know it can be hard to rely on something you can't see, but it is something you can feel. Don't ask for a better man to come down from the heavens, or to ask GOD if every person you go on a date with is bad and if they are, please remove them out of my life. Ask for healing, wisdom, to repair your heart, to cleanse your heart as if you were never hurt but to keep those lessons in you forever. I still do this and let me just say.....HE WILL comfort you.

As I mentioned before, I am not the all knowing master of healing and still work on myself as well. However, I've been forced to be my own healer and rely on myself, and being a woman makes is a little harder because I naturally love hard. But, I have come to realize that this time for me has taught, and still teaches me, that the same love I give out must be given to me. I gave out so much love that I never invested into myself. You have to refill your love tank so that when the right person comes along, you now know how precious your love is and only someone very special will get access to it, but they will never deplete it again.

Talk to you soon!

~ Lex